A Child’s Resilience

While reading through what feels like a million research articles in search of thesis material, I seem to come across quite a few that almost gloss over the impact of trauma on a developing child. It would seem that the overwhelming opinion is that children are “resilient” and with a little therapy will move past a trauma and simply keep on truckin’. I have a serious problem with this.

My research has centered mainly on former “lost boys”, or former child soldiers. The trauma experienced by this population is nothing short of horrific, and fortunately most children do not experience trauma of this nature. In any case, most research claims that a few months of group and individual therapy can overcome years of violence, drug use, rape, and murder. The child’s PTSD (the diagnosis given to 99.9% of former child soldiers) is simply addressed for a few months and follow-up studies show that the effects of therapy are long-lasting. WHAT??!! Sure, follow-up shows effectiveness because you’re simply asking them a few questions as to whether or not they feel anxious or depressed. Have you asked how they cope with emotionally charged situations, how they envision their family structure, how violence has shaped their self-worth and sense of self, or how rape has impacted interpersonal relations?

I proposed in my initial drafts that a more whole-person approach is necessary to adequately address the multitude of problems that arise from childhood experiences such as soldiering. Precious few research endeavors have addressed the impact of trauma on the world-view, emotional schema, and self-concept of children. I find it sad that most people simply view children as “resilient”, expecting them to move on and be fine in the long-run. How can you expect a child to adequately process the act of killing his/her family members? It’s ok, he’s resilient, right?

 

The Joy of Parenting

Whilst gazing dazedly at the TV this morning, sucking down my first cup of coffee, I saw this great interview on the Morning Joe. It’s from New York Magazine’s article
“I Love my Children, I Hate my Life“. Granted, I had to cringe through the discussion on Lebron and his decision to move to Miami (internal dialogue: “who cares?”), but the segment that followed was the vindication I’ve been seeking for some time. In a nutshell, the author suggests that multiple studies among a large portion of the population have shown that having children actually decreases happiness. HA! TOLD YOU SO! The discussion centered mainly on parents who believe/d that having children would actually make them happy, and lo and behold, they were wrong. Having children also decreases marital satisfaction. No offense, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.

In general, people don’t understand why I’m not chomping at the bit to procreate. I get the weird look and the prerequisite speech as to how having children completes you as a person, how parenting is the most fulfilling thing you can do with your life, how it’s different when it’s your own child. I honestly think I was just born sans biological clock-I don’t feel the overwhelming urge to pass on my DNA. I don’t particularly like children (if I’m honest I’ll admit that they get on my nerves), although I adore my sister’s children-as long as I can give them back after a while. Another consideration is my conscience. There are SO many children in the world who need a good home, and I would rather open my home to children who desperately need parents than to have children of my own. Granted, many children in the foster/adoption system have severe developmental issues, but to me that is all the more reason to adopt. Thirdly, have you ever seen a birth? It is quite possibly the most horrific thing I have ever seen first-hand. Yes, I know, the miracle of birth, the beauty of life, etc… I’ll give you the miracle of life, but short of that, nope. It’s just plain disturbing, and I don’t wanna do it.

Anywho, back to the interview. I’ll give you that correlation does not equal causation, but it’s good enough for me. I’m certainly not suggesting that the actual birth of a child is what causes unhappiness or marital dissatisfaction, but just raising children, period. Of course, I don’t mean to belittle any parent, as I do believe that it takes a very strong person to parent a child. Kudos to all of you women who have given birth, as well as all men and women parenting children as I type (especially my parents ). I really just don’t see having children as being a source of happiness for me as an individual, and I don’t see having children as the source of life satisfaction for me. But as far as my saying for years that children don’t make your life happier or easier-yep, I told you so.