Lazy Coffee Morning

Mmmmmmm, my favorite. And let me add that the person who decided to include a timer on coffee pots is a god/dess, and I worship at his/her caffeine-saturated feet. Nothing quite like waking up to a full pot of freesh coffee sans effort.

Feeling very thoughtful and introspective today, probably due to the conversations I had yesterday/last night while out with the gang.

Things on my mind today:

1. Of course the massive breakdown of the data I’m using for my thesis. In other words, I have no data now and it looks like I may have to start over again. Big fat “yuck” here.
2. Work. Enough said there. Work.
3. My seeming cluelessness about the opposite sex. I had a long conversation with a friend last night, and at the end of it he asked me out. Now, we’ve never had a romantic relationship, and I’ve never thought about him in that way. When I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea, he was very offended. Is there something about my demeanor that screams “I’m flirting with you”? I smile because I’m a happy person, I hug my friends because I love them, and I’ll spend time talking to people because I genuinely care about what’s going on with them. Sure, it’s always flattering to be asked out by a very good-looking man, but I’m not leading someone on by just talking to them. I think….
4. I feel like I need a vacation. About every 3 months I get stir-crazy and need to get away for a bit. Last time I went hiking by myself for a few days, but that probably wasn’t a good idea considering the psychos that seem to hang out on the Appalachian Trail these days. I’ve noticed this feeling comes after a very “social” couple of weeks. Maybe the cabin next weekend, or possibly a meditation weekend at St. Ignatius. Hmmmm….sounds fantastic.
5. That thing that shall remain nameless in the blog ether. I think I’m done.

 

La Reina

Found this poem in my stash of memories from Peru a few weeks ago. It was given to me by a very good friend.
Always loved it.

La Reina
Yo te he nombrado reina.
Hay más altas que tú, más altas.
Hay más puras que tú, más puras.
Hay más bellas que tú, hay más bellas.
Pero tú eres la reina.

Cuando vas por las calles
nadie te reconoce.
Nadie ve tu corona de cristal, nadie mira
la alfombra de oro rojo
que pisas donde pasas,
la alfombra que no existe.

Y cuando asomas
suenan todos los ríos
en mi cuerpo, sacuden
el cielo las campanas,
y un himno llena el mundo.

Sólo tú y yo,
sólo tú y yo, amor mío,
lo escuchamos.

-Pablo Neruda

 

I Love

I love:

Laughing until my stomach hurts
Snuggling with Loki, god of terriers
Christ
The smell of burning wood when it is cold outside
Watching two old people walk down the street hand-in-hand
Strong Columbian coffee at 6am or 6pm
Hearing “I love you, auntie ‘Ree”
Ibuprofen when I had WAY too much fun last night
Stumbling across old pictures of very good friends
Putting on those rockin’ skinny jeans, and they fit
Walking in a wide open field at sundown
That shaky feeling after a really hard workout
Hugging my childhood teddy bear as I fall asleep
A really warm down blanket when the room is freezing cold
Talking for hours with a really close friend
Driving down the interstate with the windows down and sunroof open
Wearing super-fun-print socks
Authentic paella
Unsweet iced tea
80′s music
Funky Cold Medina
Laying in the hammock all afternoon with a good book
Savannah at night
Asheville anytime
Realizing all that glitters is certainly not gold
That people on reality TV make me feel better about myself
That I speak another language
That God gave me an amazing mind
That I love life
That I have no regrets
Watching the Olympics and the amazing athletes participating
Spongebob Squarepants
Being able to laugh at myself
Being able to laugh at my mistakes
Grace

 

Lazy Days

Sitting on the porch having an afternoon cup of coffee is quite close to perfection. It’s 65 degrees and sunny outside, nothing I have to do today, watching the sparse clouds drift around the sky, thinking about things in general. Someone sent me a really fitting quote a few days ago:

“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up… it means moving on. It is one of the hardest things a person can do. Starting at birth, we grasp on to anything we can get our hands on, and hold on as if we will cease to exist when we let go. We feel that letting go is giving up, quitting, and that as we all know is cowardly. But as we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking. We are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things that cannot be. It means maturing and moving on, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so.” -Unknown

People who know me know that I enjoy thinking and talking about and dealing with emotions about as much as the average person enjoys a root canal. So, I have this marvelous ability to just pack it all away in the recesses of my mind and not deal with it until I’m good and ready to. Needless to say, the current situation will probably pass without my really dealing with it. I liken it all to going up into the attic and taking down that really awesome toy/dress/game/etc… that you absolutely adored once upon a time. As amazing as it still is, you realize that it’s not really yours and probably never will be, and it hits you right in the gut. So what should I do? The only thing I can do-in a few days I’ll put it right back up on the shelf in that attic and walk away. I mean, what else can I do? It’s better than not knowing, but it’s still sucky.
I guess when it really comes down to it, I can’t wait on something that won’t happen, and I can’t hold on to something that isn’t what I need or deserve. So, I guess it will just be a very, very sweet memory, and that’s where it will have to stay. But that’s life, right? Bring on the distractions, people! I’m going to need them