Paperwork

Sitting at Starbucks the other day filling out the 14-page application for Africa (already had my interview, went SO well, now on to the hard-core process), I came across a couple of odd questions. One was “How do you use your singlehood as a strength?” Ummm, I dunno. I don’t think you have to be all that strong to be single-I like being single for now. I like that I can pick up and move to Africa for a year or two and I don’t have to run that by a husband or figure out how my culturally vapid American kids are going to grow up in a third world country. Second question was “How do you want to grow as a single?” Uhhhh….. What does that even mean? Do people actually think about that? My being single isn’t really a state of “being” that determines the course of my life all that much. I don’t look at things in my life like “ok, I’m single, so do I want a chai latte or a tazo tea?” or “I’m single, so I’ll take the super-awesome red high heels rather than the super-awesome blue high heels”. I guess maybe I’d like to grow stronger in my decision not to compromise my standards when it comes to romantic relationships? I don’t think I need all that much growth there though, I’m pretty selective about the people I allow into my life (yea, yea, recent events excluded).

Odd questions. I’m not quite sure what to put down for those without sounding like a smarta$$.
The rest of the 14 pages had some interesting questions that really made me think about the way I handle stress and stuff, and the psych assessments in my profile reveal that I’m normal (who would have thunk it?! ). Good to know. Also a very good thing they didn’t ask about caffeine or shoe addictions-I’d be screwed. Ha ha. Just need to sign on the dotted line and send that sucker off! Woo hoo!

 

Just Friends

I’ve had a few conversations as of late about whether or not men and women can truly be “just friends”. Having joined the ranks of adulthood some years back, I’ve always responded to that subject with a resounding YES! I certainly think its possible! But then that got me thinking-is that simply my point of view on a situation? I’ve managed to remain on good terms with men I’ve dated in the past, but we’re certainly anything but BFF. Just more like casual acquaintances. So maybe “just friends” is only applicable to individuals with whom you’ve never had a romantic relationship. OK, lets take married friends. I can’t say that I’ve ever been attracted to any of my friends’ husbands. I’ve been attracted to married men, but just in a passing “he’s cute” kind of way. I have a serious problem with people who violate that kind of trust (let’s be frank here-it’s skanky and just plain wrong), so maybe it’s something in my brain that makes married men not attractive in the least. So, I have no problem being “just friends” with married men because I’ve never been attracted to any of my married male friends.
But then that got me thinking about the very close male friends I’ve had over the years. At some point or another, most of them have uttered the “I care for you in more than a friendship kind of way” statement at some point or another. Hmmmmm… OK, I’ve done the same thing from time to time, but mostly if I do feel that I never say anything for fear of ruining the friendship (which is generally inevitable because it brings about all kinds of “weird”). Besides, how uncomfortable is it when you SOOOO don’t feel the same way? Icky.
Maybe it’s just a matter of where you focus is. I just don’t look at people in my life in that way-that “hmmm, am I attracted to this person?” kind of way. It’s not something that’s altogether important to me-is that not normal or something? It comes up a lot in certain circles I run in, but never in others. Odd that… Maybe some folks are just more preoccupied with the love life thing. My life just doesn’t really center on that-sure, it’s a consideration, but not a focus. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel the immediate need to procreate, so finding a “mate” just isn’t on my list of priorities at the moment.
But, I digress. So, can single men and women really be “just friends”? I honestly don’t know. Given certain parameters, yes, but life doesn’t happen with parameters. I guess a better question would be can I be “just friends” with a man? I think absolutely yes, but maybe that’s just me. Not that any of this is all that significant, but it’s an interesting discussion that seems to come up a lot in gatherings with my single girlfriends. Interesting that.